From Old to New

Happy Easter fellow readers!

I know it's been quite a while since my last post and I apologize for that. My life has been busy but also I have recently become a Christian... Quite hard to understand but basically here is what went down:

About a month ago I went on a Spring Break trip to Florida with my campus ministry. Throughout this semester I had been struggling with condemnation and questioning my salvation. I had been struggling with a lot and been falling into temptations. Hard to admit but it's the truth. I had been reflecting a lot on my life and reaching into my heart and examining who I am and my life. It wasn't easy... It caused me a lot of hurt and scared me. I was scared of who I was becoming. I wasn't who I wanted to be but I felt like I had messed up way past the point of being able to change.

But I went ahead and went on this trip because I felt like something amazing was going to change in my life. But wow did God do way more than what I expected haha The entire week we were there we focused of the topic of GRACE.

We started the week off by discussing how grace is sufficient and how it is something we don't deserve or work for. We talked about how unbelief is such a powerful thing because we are at war with the world, our flesh, the devil. We then moved into talking about the cost of grace and how God's love is revealed through the cross and his people. We really focused on the cross and the significance of what Jesus did on the cross... That day was the day it really settled in my heart. I realized that day that I really didn't understand what Christ had done on the cross. Yeah I had read about it before but it never really resonated on my heart like it should of.

For the rest of the week, its like God was continuing to reveal himself in small ways until Worship Night.

We continued on into talking about the fruit of grace and what it brings to us which is UNENDING peace, joy, hope, and access to God. From there we talked about the story of the two sinners in Luke (Luke 7:36-50). This story made me really see the difference between the Pharisees and the woman. I almost separated them as a believer and non-believer. That was the session that really made me realize I was more like the Pharisees than the woman. I was more like Simon who was thinking he was righteous. I was not like the woman who was cleaning Jesus feet with my tears and hair. I was not falling at his feet because I had realized my sin. I was blind to my sin and prideful and naive. I was more a non-believer than the believer. And it wasn't that I didn't believe there was a God, it was that my life never reflected how a Christian should live and how a believer's heart should be changed. I had been and continued to live in sin and darkness.

The entire week it was not only like God was revealing Himself to me, but it was also like he was slowly breaking me into pieces so He could fix me. The last thing to break me was hearing one of my friend's testimonies one night. In that moment, hearing them discuss their life before knowing Christ and how their heart and life had been transformed... It was the last thing I needed to hear to realize I had never been a Christian. I broke down to one of my friends and it was one of the hardest things to admit: That I was wrong and that I don't think I was really ever saved from my sin. That my life never was transformed and that my heart was still hardened. But I know from listening all week that I could ask for forgiveness and give my life over to Christ to serve and follow Him. I knew that I wasn't at a point where I was stuck and was lost forever. I knew in that moment that I wanted nothing more than to ask for forgiveness and to be saved from my sin and to really have a relationship with Him. I wanted nothing more than to leave my old self behind and my past and my hurt and to give it to Him and let Him transform my heart.

But it wasn't until the next night, Worship Night, when in the silence of prayer and going to God alone, I confessed my sins and broke down in front of God asking for forgiveness and to be saved from my sins and to let Him do his work in my life. Realizing that I couldn't even count all the sin I have done made me realize how much of a sinner I am. It took me about an hour and a half to really calm down and pull myself together. That night, my life was changed forever. Although in that moment I didn't feel good about myself because I am a sinner, a horrible sinner... People around me knew my life had just changed. People knew that I finally got it and that I had been saved.

It really wasn't until the next day when I woke up and something was different.

I woke up with a sense of peace in my heart. My anger, guilt, hurt, sadness, doubt... It was gone! I had this immense sense of love in my heart and I felt like a new person. I ended up getting baptized that afternoon and one of my best friends and sisters in Christ that I care so much about prayed for me while I was surrounded by more people than I expected. I never knew that so many people loved me and cared about me. My heart was so happy that I made the decision to ask Christ into my life. But as I was lowered into the water and pulled back up, my old self sank and my new self rose to the top. I was new and my old self was gone!

The rest of the trip was just truly like Cloud 9 for me haha. I was so happy and had so much joy in my heart. I had so much more respect and love for people. I was just trying to take in what had happened that entire week... It's unreal but it's what God wanted. Today looking back, I am so amazed that God revealed Himself that week. That he chose to do it then. I am so blessed that it was then, while being surrounded by all of my friends. Since then my life has had ups and downs but my relationship with Christ has been good. Getting in the Word has been so refreshing and I love it! I love being about to find all these cool books to read and having devotionals with people. Prayer has been a big thing for me and it's my special time with God where I can go to just be alone.

Fast-forward to now, my life has changed a lot in the last month. I thank God everyday for showing me my true self then and allowing me to come to Him asking for forgiveness and to ask Him to change my heart. I thank Him for bringing me here and surrounding me with the most kind and loving people I know; people I don't even deserve. God is too good and too kind and loving to me!

Here are a few of the things that I really loved hearing and being about to reflect on these:
-Christ will never let go of me. I may fall but he won't ever leave me. He is near those who are broken. he saves those who follow Him and call out for Him. God's love for us is just so amazing
 -Romans 8:39-Nor height, nor depth, or anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I just thought I would share this with people because I am so happy and every story is different. But this is just one of the many others...

Happy Easter everyone!