Looking Into The Mirror (Pt. 1)

Everyday at some point I look in the mirror at myself. I look to fix my hair, shave my face, brush my teeth, or just look at how tired I am. Recently I realized I hate looking at the mirror because it has become a reflection not only of myself and how I look, but also my inner self.

Over the last few weeks, I have been going through ups and downs with stress, school, and my personal life. Looking into the mirror started reflecting what I was going through. It showed on my face. It showed the person who tried to put on a mask that everything is fine and that I am just busy. It showed a person who has secret struggles, but refuses to admit it. It showed the strain of seclusion to avoid being honest about life. It showed the hurt and confusion from betrayal. It showed and went right through me; I could no longer look past it.

I have been trying to find ways to avoid looking at the mirror. To avoid being vulnerable. To avoid seeing the truth that is apparent. I want to act like nothing has been wrong; that my life hasn't been struggling. I know my inner self and know that I am not like that, but I try to shake it off because dealing with it would mean being vulnerable. I push people away and hide to avoid the notice that something is wrong. I stay busy so I don't have to stop and think and get caught up in the tangle of thoughts. I just want to run and leave my life behind.

 

I know that as a Christian this isn't ok. I am supposed to tell others so that we carry each other and push each other towards the Word and towards Christ. I knew it, and yet I didn't want to do it. I wanted to keep running because weeks had past and hiding it had become routine and too easy. All I had to do was say "I'm fine."

 

Those two words hid so much and I was the only one who knew, so I thought...

 

(Pt. 2 Later this week so stay tuned)