A Reflection In Time

Good evening fellow readers,

Ever since before I came home for the summer I had been praying for God to help me grow closer to Him and develop a huge passion to get in the Word and to know Him so much more. I was worried because I was leaving behind all my amazing new friends that helped me transition into a new school. I was leaving them behind for 3 months, which to me is a long time; especially if I am used to seeing them everyday. I was leaving my accountability behind and was leaving alone with my struggles. I was worried that by leaving it would be harder for me to have support and guidance. But I prayed everyday that this upcoming summer would be one life-changing summer, one that would be fruitful, joyful, and full of amazing opportunities. 

And oh boy did God do that for me. 

For the first few weeks back I struggled with getting in the Word everyday. I slacked a little bit. I struggled with temptations and sin like anybody else, but I was still feeling enslaved and struggled to pull myself out of it. I struggled some with patience and worried more than I should have. For about the first two weeks back at home, I felt alone but continued to pray. I slowly started trying to get back into the Word and start a habit, but I just had something tugging at me... It wasn't until I left out of town and had the opportunity to be away from everything when I felt that God had me leave so that I could grow closer to Him and find the root of my struggles and let Him help me. He gave me opportunities where I felt like I needed quiet time with Him. So every morning I would wake up and read my new devotion books and bible and take time to journal. I would journal my prayers and what I was struggling with and ask why it was so hard to grow close to Him. I would write about my worries and my hope for the summer and how I wanted to have passion to seek Him. I asked God to show me my sin and my heart and why I am far from Him and to help me be lead back to Him. I didn't want to feel alone or far from Him. 

I wanted that time away from home to be spent growing closer to Him and knowing Him. I wasn't sure what was going to happen the rest of that week. I felt shame and guilt of falling away from Him and not seeking Him with my whole heart. But God, being the amazing God He is... He swooped in and brought me back to Him. It was like He was trying to tell me that we all make mistakes but that He forgave me and loved me. Since that moment, everyday that week my quiet time in the morning was so enriching. Praying and writing on reflecting how thankful I was to have Him as my Savior and Protector. He gave me opportunities to work on my patience and kindness towards others and my family. He taught me how to be selfless and how to be still and listen to Him. He taught me how important I am to Him and to never see myself and define myself based on the mistakes I've made. I am so much more to Him in His eyes. 

But most importantly... He taught me how important He is to me. He taught me that without Him, there is no hope and no future. Without Him, my life will be in shambles. Since I started getting in daily readings and more prayer and intentionally seeking Him with joy and passion, my life has been so much happier. I appreciate my life and what He has given me so much more. I love Him so much more because I feel more connected with Him than I ever have. He has blessed me so much in the last few weeks and everyday I almost am in tears because I have never been so happy. I have never loved Him so much! That amazing feeling when you feel so connected to someone is how I feel right now. 

Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Since coming back home, reality has set it. Life has become its crazy routine. I haven't stopped my daily devotions or readings, but I have added this time where everyday I write down something God has taught me or shown me that day or something that He has done for me (Credits to AP). Because I have been doing that, I have been able to see God's presence in my life and it has strengthened our relationship. I have been able to look back on what has happened since school ended and I have clearly seen an up and down, but this up stage that I am in has never been so amazing! I have been able to get plugged into a good church and college group. I have an accountability group and weekly bible readings. God has been so good to reveal Himself to me these last few weeks and I cannot wait to see what he continues to do this summer. I give all glory to God for He is so gracious and merciful!